All News | Morning News Tonight

Manhattan and Protest Armies – Starbucks Profits Soar

Johannes Becht

Sep 231 min read

Manhattan and Protest Armies – Starbucks Profits Soar

At a rally for climate change activists, baristas at the Times Square Starbucks reported an influx of orders for oat milk lattes.

1 view0 comments

New Debate Strategy: Trump and Harris Get Personal Mute Buttons

Johannes Becht

Sep 231 min read

New Debate Strategy: Trump and Harris Get Personal Mute Buttons

the latest debate between Donald Trump and Kamala Harris introduced a brand-new feature: personal mute buttons.

1 view0 comments

New Social Media Feature Lets Users Argue with Themselves

Johannes Becht

Sep 213 min read

New Social Media Feature Lets Users Argue with Themselves

Leading social media giant Chirper has introduced a new feature allowing users to argue directly with themselves.

0 views0 comments

Russia's 'Pimp My Tank' Program: Is It a Turtle?

Johannes Becht

Apr 83 min read

Russia's 'Pimp My Tank' Program: Is It a Turtle?

Combining a Tesla CyberTruck, a ninja turtle and a tent, this latest creation from Russia's tank factories has left everybody wondering.

35 views0 comments

Interstellar Intrigue: Aliens Mistake Reality TV Show for Galactic Comedy

Johannes Becht

Mar 294 min read

Interstellar Intrigue: Aliens Mistake Reality TV Show for Galactic Comedy

In an unprecedented turn of events, the citizens of Earth found themselves at the center of a cosmic comedy when aliens paid a visit.

8 views0 comments

The Misadventures of Hank: In Search of the Elusive Five Guys Burgers

Johannes Becht

Mar 243 min read

The Misadventures of Hank: In Search of the Elusive Five Guys Burgers

With his stomach grumbling and his taste buds tingling in anticipation, Hank embarked on his quest. By Johannes Becht

14 views0 comments

Gym offers free buffet to attract customers

Johannes Becht

Nov 8, 20232 min read

Gym offers free buffet to attract customers

This gym has cooked up a plan that's as unconventional as a pineapple on a pizza.

13 views0 comments

20 weird and funny Oklahoma town names – and what you should expect

Johannes Becht

Nov 6, 20232 min read

20 weird and funny Oklahoma town names – and what you should expect

Oklahoma, like many places, has its fair share of quirky and funny town names.

50 views0 comments

Trying to make ends meat: Teacher takes job at chicken processing plant

Johannes Becht

Nov 6, 20233 min read

Trying to make ends meat: Teacher takes job at chicken processing plant

This Oklahoma teacher bumped up her eggucation.

6 views0 comments

European extremist pushes to rename 'footwear' to 'meterwear'

Johannes Becht

Nov 3, 20233 min read

European extremist pushes to rename 'footwear' to 'meterwear'

"I couldn't stand the thought of Americans using 'foot' as a unit of measurement for something you put on your feet."

17 views0 comments

From 'Netflix & Chill' to 'Netflix & Drill': How to get online drill instructor certification

Johannes Becht

Nov 3, 20232 min read

From 'Netflix & Chill' to 'Netflix & Drill': How to get online drill instructor certification

"Who knew that yelling at a screen could be so therapeutic?" he chuckled.

9 views0 comments

The word 'woman' is derogatory, woke leftists say

Johannes Becht

Sep 18, 20232 min read

The word 'woman' is derogatory, woke leftists say

What sounds about wrong can never be right. Or have you ever heard of a "persondate"? No, we are not talking about two people going on a...

11 views0 comments

"Sophisticated Parrot": What ChatGPT claims to be - and what it isn't

Johannes Becht

Jan 18, 20234 min read

"Sophisticated Parrot": What ChatGPT claims to be - and what it isn't

We asked ChatGPT to write a satire article about ChatGPT. And ChatGPT got to work.

61 views0 comments

Narcissist & Self-Checkout: 'Choose the best-looking Cashier'

Johannes Becht

Jul 3, 20221 min read

Narcissist & Self-Checkout: 'Choose the best-looking Cashier'

"Self-checkouts are a breeding ground for narcissists," Dr. Real Cool, who studied at Harvard.

14 views0 comments

0-32 Basketball Team builds house for Fired Coach

Clay Jacobs

Jun 19, 20221 min read

0-32 Basketball Team builds house for Fired Coach

As a result of the lackluster performance from his team this season, McMurphy has been terminated effective immediately.

3 views0 comments

Amber Heard changes name to Heart for more empathy

Johannes Becht

Jun 3, 20222 min read

Amber Heard changes name to Heart for more empathy

Apparently, Amber Heard is becoming Amber Heart.

70 views0 comments

George W. Bush warns Putin: 'Invading is terrible idea!'

Johannes Becht

May 31, 20222 min read

George W. Bush warns Putin: 'Invading is terrible idea!'

"Invading Ukraine is such a terrible idea, because his army will be even more destroyed than my last workout."

7 views0 comments

War in Ukraine: Russia develops Tank that runs on Vodka

Johannes Becht

May 20, 20222 min read

War in Ukraine: Russia develops Tank that runs on Vodka

Reports of soldiers selling fuel for a bottle of vodka are likely to have influenced the leadership's decision.

47 views0 comments

British Man on business trip finds new love for “Fish & Chips”

Clay Jacobs

May 17, 20222 min read

British Man on business trip finds new love for “Fish & Chips”

“I asked for 'fish and chips,' stated Worthington. “I have absolutely no idea what was said in return."

2 views0 comments

Oklahoma Doomsday Preppers frenzy-buy Toilet Paper

Clay Jacobs

May 8, 20221 min read

Oklahoma Doomsday Preppers frenzy-buy Toilet Paper

“Now listen, me stockpiling toilet paper and other “ass-sentials” should be the least of your concerns regarding the shortage."

19 views0 comments