Clay Jacobs | Staff Writer

"Gimme the heat, Daddy!
Blast that b****!"

Clay Jacobs - also known as Daddy DeepPockets - is a staff writer for Morning News Tonight. Jacobs' quick-witted humor as well as his enormous hands are only surpassed by his extraordinary skills at selling moving services to clueless first-time homeowners (his day job).

When he's not moonlighting as a staff writer for Morning News Tonight, you can find him drinking 3 cups of coffee before bed and fantasizing about working for a legitimate news source.

Jacobs has a degree in Gender Studies because his former girlfriend told him to do so. Now, he is gay.

Check out his personal website www.buymyshit.com and don't forget to follow him on Truth Social.

Articles

British Man on business trip finds new love for “Fish & Chips”

“I asked for 'fish and chips,' stated Worthington. “I have absolutely no idea what was said in return."

Oklahoma Doomsday Preppers frenzy-buy Toilet Paper

“Now listen, me stockpiling toilet paper and other “ass-sentials” should be the least of your concerns regarding the shortage."

Pres. Biden promotes Colonel Sanders to Chief of Military

Biden: “The friedness, and the, um, the, the thing... it just all makes sense to me. He’s the man for the job.”

'Person of the Year' unqualified for Fast Food job

Coming off a recent stint as a Papa John's pizza delivery man, 2006 Person of the Year Jimmy Rickets is seeking new employment.

Clay Jacobs | Staff Writer

"Gimme the heat, Daddy! Blast that b****!"

Articles

"Gimme the heat, Daddy!
Blast that b****!"